Beginning to Tell Family and Friends

This is one of the hardest parts...its awful, awkward, and emotional draining.  You dread their response and your instinct is to soften the blow and be positive.

I hated telling my dad, I was so afraid of how he would handle it.  He took it better then I thought.  He feels that everything will turn out good.  You began to wonder if they respond in the same manner as you tell them, put on a brave face and be positive.   Maggie and my dad were so great about it.  I love the both of them so much.

Tucker's mother came over to bring some things we had left at her house and we decided to tell her.  I just love Kathy so much.

I called my sister to tell her the news.  That was so hard.  I love my sister so very much.  We are very close.  It was even harder because of the fact that I am not currently close to my mother and it is sad that we are not a place where I feel like I would or could share this with her right now.

But I do have mother-daughter relationship with Terry, who was my dad's second wife.  I called her.  I felt so bad about calling her because of right now she has so much on her plate.  She has a sister who is in poor health and she is so worried about her sister right now and I really hated adding to it.  She is so wonderful.  She immediately told me that whatever I needed she would be here for me.  She will be coming down when I have my hysterectomy.  I love her so much.

Out of the kids, we told Breana and Regan first and that is a story that needs its very own post.  It really ended up being hilarious.

After telling family, I needed a day, a I needed a break from telling people.  It is very emotionally draining.  There is part of you that doesn't want to tell people. You just want to deal with it and move on.  But there is a part of you that feels like you are keeping something from those that are close to you.  For me, I strongly believe in the power of prayer and feel like you can never have too much prayers.  Especially for our family, we wanted all of our children to know, to different degrees, according to their age and what we felt they could understand and handle. We just strongly feel that we should be praying together as a family.

The Day We Found Out It Was Cancer

Tucker and I often go to lunch when we are both off during the day.  We absolutely love spending time alone together.  We both look forward to these lunches.  We decided to eat lunch at PA Grille.  On our way to lunch I asked Tucker if he was nervous about what the doctor would have to tell us, he said no.  I told him I was a little nervous, what if it is worse then thought.

We sit down to lunch and had just gotten our food and my phone rang... it was the doctor.  I answered the phone and he told me that he had the results.  One of the biopsies showed squamous carcinoma in situ which basically means the cancer is on the surface and has not spread.  The other biopsy showed adenocarcinoma which is a serious form of cancer.  This showed a micro invasion below the surface.  We do not now a full picture because these biopsies are so small.  So I have Cervical Cancer.  We would have to come in to see the doctor and discuss what the next steps need to be.

I began crying while on the phone and I don't think I will ever forget Tucker's face.  I now had to tell my husband that I had cancer.  It was awful, so awful.  He began to cry.  I love him so much!  We talked about what the possible options would be and of course we both said we would do whatever it takes to beat this!  (By the way, right now I feel like I will not go back to PA Grille, until I can say I am cancer free!  Though, those fried pickles are really good!  I know it's silly!)

This is my family's journey, fight, and experiences with cervical cancer.

A little background about me... I am a lucky wife to one of the most wonderful husbands ever, Tucker.  I am a very blessed mother of 5 beautiful children, Breana, 15; Regan, 12; Meriah, 11; Caleb, 7; and Emma, 5.  I am also currently in Nursing School, about to graduate in May!  So this should be a most exciting time for me, nearing the end of over 2 years of hard work and seeing the rewards of all the handwork and sacrifice, but now I am fighting cancer.

Now background about finding out I have cervical cancer... in November I had my annual pap smear, no calls from the doctors office, so I assumed everything was normal.  A month or so later I got a letter, it was a typed, form letter stating that I needed to come in for a regular scheduled screening, handwritten on the side was the word colposcopy.  Being so busy in school, I thought if it is just a regular screening, it can wait.  A couple of weeks ago, I got the same letter by certified mail.  I decided I needed to look up Colposcopy and see what it was.  It is a follow up screening for abnormal pap smears.  I tried not to be nervous because I know that tests can have false positives.  I have always had normal pap smears so I thought I shouldn't really have much to worry about.

I think Tucker was a little nervous.  He decided he would go with me, which I am so glad he did.  A colposcopy is similar to a pap smear.  They use a vinegar solution that causes precancerous or cancerous cells to turn white and the doctor uses these binoculars for examination.  If they see any areas of concern, they then can do a pinch biopsy.

During my exam, I could tell by the face of my doctor that it was not really what he expected to see.  He said he believed it was mild or moderate precancerous.  He took 2 pinch biopsies, they are the size of a match head.  So now we wait...